Why Men Should Redefine Masculinity for Themselves

 Biologically speaking there is not much difference between man’s and woman’s brains, however, we are prone to consider certain traits as solely male or female. These projections come from societal and cultural norms created through the means of religion, tradition, and conformity. Now in the 21st century, we are reaping the harvest of toxic masculinity that is responsible for mass shootings, domestic violence, and sexual harassment.

                 

But let’s not forget that men are not violent by nature, the society dictates them so. Starting from their childhood: “Boys don’t play with dolls”, “Boys don’t cry”, “You throw like a girl” throughout their adult life: “Dude, are you on your period?”, “Man up!”, “You don’t watch football?”. Men are taught to hide, fight and suppress their feelings, to forget them, to hide them deep inside, and never talk about them. They grow up being afraid to look weak, feminine, sensitive in a society that tells them that muscles matter, men don’t cry and women need their protection. 
Women, on the other hand, learn to accept and even admire this behavior. We are emotional, irrational, weak and we need someone to take care of us and be our rock. Now here is where the so-called toxic femininity comes into play. Women have to obey certain beauty standards to please the men around, women are not strong enough to be a leader, they cannot function without the presence of a powerful man next to them. 
Being diagonally opposite, both toxic masculinity and femininity lead to discrimination against women. What we are trying to fix with feminism, is not fixable because feminism mostly directs at women. If we want men to discover their feminine side, we need to allow them to express their emotions. Men are allowed to be sensitive, they can be vulnerable and emotional, they can cry and feel sad and broken. 
It all comes down to patriarchy and how it is harmful to both men and women. Perhaps without realizing it, men suffer under the patriarchy almost as much as women. They are overrepresented in prisons, they lose custody rights in divorce, they are at greater risk of being victim of violent crime. Not to mention the burden of being the breadwinner and the tough macho guy who cannot feel any emotion and can never dare to show weakness. 
We, feminists, are trying to fight the equality war, however, without the help of men, we are bound to lose. The world of equal opportunities, the world where you can be whoever you want, dress however you please, and actually feel your feelings is the bright future we are struggling to provide for the next generations. 
Men are starting to join us, for example, Wade Davis, a former N.F.L. player speaks to men about gender inequality and toxic masculinity and tells them that men should redefine masculinity for themselves and start a conversation with their brothers, fathers, and friends. As long as men ignore this issue and tell each other to man up instead, our mission is bound to fail. We cannot change the deeply engraved societal norms unless all of us, or at least the vast majority, questions the old morals and begins redefining terms like masculinity and femininity.